Guys please get used to these now so we do not embarrass ourselves during the 2010 world cup!!!

NEW JOB TITLES IN THE NEW SOUTH AFRICA in preparation for 2010!!!

Murderer : Population Stabilizer
Orphan : Independent Youngster
Beggar : Financial Gatherer
Cleaner : Hygiene Specialist
Rapist : Senior Practitioner in Sexual Practices
Gardener : Landscape Executive and Animal Nutritionist
House Maid : Family Environs Upkeep Manager
Receptionist :Front Office Manager/Office Access Control Specialist
Messenger : Business Communications Conveyer
Window Cleaner : Transparent Wall Technician
Temporary Teacher :Associate Tutor
Tealady : Refreshment Overseer
Garbage Collector : Public Sanitation Technician
Watchman/security : Theft Prevention and Surveillance Officer or
Wealth Distribution Prevention Officer
Prostitute : Practical Sexual Relations Officer
Thief : Wealth Distribution Officer
Driver : Automobile Propulsion Specialist
Maid : Domestic Operations Specialist
Employee without Portfolio : Administration Manager
Cook : Food Preparation Officer
Do Not Forget:
Unemployed :Township Management
Gossiping :Research Management

Sipho, driving the latest BMW, was pulled over by a Gauteng policeman at a roadblock. ‘Congratulations’, said the cop…’Because you are wearing your seat belt you have just won R5,000 in an Arrive Alive safety competition’.
Sipho could hardly believe his luck.

‘What are you going to do with your cash?’ asked the traffic cop.

‘Well I guess I’m going to get a driver’s license,’ Sipho answered.

‘Oh, don’t listen to him,’ yelled Dipuo in the passenger seat.’He tries to be smart when he’s drunk.’

This woke up Ndlovu in the back seat who took one look at the cop and moaned, ‘I TOLD you stealing the BMW was a bad idea. A Mazda would have been better.’

At that moment there was a knock from the boot and Zakeles’ voice said,’Are we over the border yet?’

The cop said …. ‘Okay, my brothers. How are we sharing this R5000?!’

His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.

He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.

He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, ‘Let’s go’..

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.

Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, ‘Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.’

‘Why?’ asked the pilot.

‘Because I’m a photographer for CNN’ , he responded, ‘and I need to get some close up shots.’

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, ‘So, what you’re telling me, is . . . You’re NOT my flight instructor?’

“Life is short.

Drink the good wine first”

Sandile Memela is an author and chief director for marketing & public relations at the Department of Arts & Culture.
He writes in his personal capacity………
For almost 30 years I have debated the subject of matric results with many different people from different walks of life. One thing that strikes those with eyes to see is that white students continue to dominate and outshine the ranks of matric super-achievers followed by so-called Indians.

There is a perception that African students are the worst performers.
If you look at the faces of smiling and happy pupils who have obtained more than six distinctions in matric this year, they are mostly white.
Of course, that tells us something not about who has superior intelligence but who is willing to put their shoulder to the wheel.
After all, the greatest determinant of how many distinctions a student is going to get at the end of the year is the amount of work they are willing to put in.
One thing that has struck me over the last 15 years is that African students seem to be more interested in song, dance, fashion and booze than self-discipline, focus and hard work.
Of course this is a generalization that makes the innocent suffer but one needs only visit festivals, night clubs and other places of entertainment to find out which direction African students channel their energies.
The reality of the situation is that white and Indian pupils are too few a minorities for them to dominate matric results.
It is time that we asked a hard question of African students: how long are they going to depend on affirmative action to make headway in life?
Of course, it is a justifiable government policy to demand that tertiary institutions make special provision for enrolling African students to be enrolled at universities. But who should be given special treatment between a super-performing white student and a time-wasting African student with low marks?
I would be wary to answer, without any reservation, and with the deepest conviction of my heart and soul that the opportunity should go to an African student.
It is time that special focus was put on matric results and the performance of African students at high school level and beyond.
Since 1994 African students have had the power to choose to be great super-achievers or mediocre talents. Their parents and government continue to make huge sacrifices huge amounts of money for them to attend the best former whites-only schools under the best conditions.
It is just an excuse for us to accept that African students face racism, victimization and that we continue to blame white teachers and principals for their poor performance.
Fundamentally, African students are the product of what they choose to be.
Their matric results have very little to do with their genes or the upbringing and environment they live in.
Certainly, the issue of language, genes and culture, if you like, often influence how students learn but this does not predetermine their results. The excuse that African students are so-called Historically Disadvantaged Individuals has been bandied about for far too long, now.
The essence of the difference in matric results between White, Indian and African students is simply a matter of self-discipline, focus and hard work.
It is time more was demanded of African pupils rather than encourage them to continue to believe that they future is secured simply because of their skin colour.
This whole attitude of entitlement makes it easy for conservatives to say that affirmative action is reverse racism.
African pupils make choices based on the values they learn from their families and communities.
African leadership and management at family and institutional level is, largely, a product of a culture of entitlement. This misleads the youth. The ability of pupils to reinvent themselves and surpass all expectations in matric performance is what this country needs, especially from African youth.
The best gift that the white and Indian youth have given this country is the example of focused, disciplined and hard working young people.
Let us not discriminate against them, later, to make way for African youth who are not a source of pride for this nation. It is time that merit and a willingness
to work harder were the new criteria to decide who gets an opportunity in the New South Africa and who does not.
African pupils must choose whether they want to succeed or perish as fools.
If they choose the latter, they must face the consequences of their own choices. The future of Africa deserves better quality leadership than our youth are putting on the table.

A large scientific organization in America (where else) decided
to pose the question to it’s Hitech computer. “Is there a GOD”.
After feeding in all relevant information available they
typed it in and waited. After a lot of hard disk searching
and the checking of all drives the computer went into an
eerie silence for a few hours and then started typing.

It’s answer was “Insufficient data”.

Not to be outdone the scientists in their infinite wisdom
started gathering information on God from the Worlds
libraries, archives, and archaelogy institutions. So much
information was assembled that it was decided that one
computer could not handle it all so all large computers
in the States were linked together for the operation.
Again the question was posed and all the computers went into
action. After three days the answer was forthcomming.

“Not enough resources to compute answer”.

This time they were going to get an answer to an age old
problem and nothing would stop them. After months of
negotiations with governments around the world they were
able to link all the computers in the world together to
produce the ultimate computer. Nothing would stop them
now. Just to make sure they fed in all information even
remotely connected to God.

The information entered and all computers linked a
scientist typed in the question “Is there a God?”.
The computer whirred into action checking all it’s
drives and then linking with all the other computers.
After months of activity going from one computer to another
the computer started typing the answer and everybody waited
eagerly as it typed to the screen.

“There is now”.

A ship captain calls all hands to the deck and announces, “I hate to say it, but the ship is sinking. We’re taking on water and don’t have much longer. But before we abandon ship, I have to ask you: who among you believes in the power of prayer? Who among you has the faith to put your fate in the hands of God?”

Without hesitation, one man puts up his hand and proudly shouts, “I do!”

The captain says, “I’m glad to hear it. We’re short one lifejacket.”

The Nuclear Physics Department of the University of Stellenbosch has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 – 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each re-organization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.

This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

… don’t look back