His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.

He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.

He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, ‘Let’s go’..

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.

Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, ‘Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.’

‘Why?’ asked the pilot.

‘Because I’m a photographer for CNN’ , he responded, ‘and I need to get some close up shots.’

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, ‘So, what you’re telling me, is . . . You’re NOT my flight instructor?’

“Life is short.

Drink the good wine first”

Sandile Memela is an author and chief director for marketing & public relations at the Department of Arts & Culture.
He writes in his personal capacity………
For almost 30 years I have debated the subject of matric results with many different people from different walks of life. One thing that strikes those with eyes to see is that white students continue to dominate and outshine the ranks of matric super-achievers followed by so-called Indians.

There is a perception that African students are the worst performers.
If you look at the faces of smiling and happy pupils who have obtained more than six distinctions in matric this year, they are mostly white.
Of course, that tells us something not about who has superior intelligence but who is willing to put their shoulder to the wheel.
After all, the greatest determinant of how many distinctions a student is going to get at the end of the year is the amount of work they are willing to put in.
One thing that has struck me over the last 15 years is that African students seem to be more interested in song, dance, fashion and booze than self-discipline, focus and hard work.
Of course this is a generalization that makes the innocent suffer but one needs only visit festivals, night clubs and other places of entertainment to find out which direction African students channel their energies.
The reality of the situation is that white and Indian pupils are too few a minorities for them to dominate matric results.
It is time that we asked a hard question of African students: how long are they going to depend on affirmative action to make headway in life?
Of course, it is a justifiable government policy to demand that tertiary institutions make special provision for enrolling African students to be enrolled at universities. But who should be given special treatment between a super-performing white student and a time-wasting African student with low marks?
I would be wary to answer, without any reservation, and with the deepest conviction of my heart and soul that the opportunity should go to an African student.
It is time that special focus was put on matric results and the performance of African students at high school level and beyond.
Since 1994 African students have had the power to choose to be great super-achievers or mediocre talents. Their parents and government continue to make huge sacrifices huge amounts of money for them to attend the best former whites-only schools under the best conditions.
It is just an excuse for us to accept that African students face racism, victimization and that we continue to blame white teachers and principals for their poor performance.
Fundamentally, African students are the product of what they choose to be.
Their matric results have very little to do with their genes or the upbringing and environment they live in.
Certainly, the issue of language, genes and culture, if you like, often influence how students learn but this does not predetermine their results. The excuse that African students are so-called Historically Disadvantaged Individuals has been bandied about for far too long, now.
The essence of the difference in matric results between White, Indian and African students is simply a matter of self-discipline, focus and hard work.
It is time more was demanded of African pupils rather than encourage them to continue to believe that they future is secured simply because of their skin colour.
This whole attitude of entitlement makes it easy for conservatives to say that affirmative action is reverse racism.
African pupils make choices based on the values they learn from their families and communities.
African leadership and management at family and institutional level is, largely, a product of a culture of entitlement. This misleads the youth. The ability of pupils to reinvent themselves and surpass all expectations in matric performance is what this country needs, especially from African youth.
The best gift that the white and Indian youth have given this country is the example of focused, disciplined and hard working young people.
Let us not discriminate against them, later, to make way for African youth who are not a source of pride for this nation. It is time that merit and a willingness
to work harder were the new criteria to decide who gets an opportunity in the New South Africa and who does not.
African pupils must choose whether they want to succeed or perish as fools.
If they choose the latter, they must face the consequences of their own choices. The future of Africa deserves better quality leadership than our youth are putting on the table.

A large scientific organization in America (where else) decided
to pose the question to it’s Hitech computer. “Is there a GOD”.
After feeding in all relevant information available they
typed it in and waited. After a lot of hard disk searching
and the checking of all drives the computer went into an
eerie silence for a few hours and then started typing.

It’s answer was “Insufficient data”.

Not to be outdone the scientists in their infinite wisdom
started gathering information on God from the Worlds
libraries, archives, and archaelogy institutions. So much
information was assembled that it was decided that one
computer could not handle it all so all large computers
in the States were linked together for the operation.
Again the question was posed and all the computers went into
action. After three days the answer was forthcomming.

“Not enough resources to compute answer”.

This time they were going to get an answer to an age old
problem and nothing would stop them. After months of
negotiations with governments around the world they were
able to link all the computers in the world together to
produce the ultimate computer. Nothing would stop them
now. Just to make sure they fed in all information even
remotely connected to God.

The information entered and all computers linked a
scientist typed in the question “Is there a God?”.
The computer whirred into action checking all it’s
drives and then linking with all the other computers.
After months of activity going from one computer to another
the computer started typing the answer and everybody waited
eagerly as it typed to the screen.

“There is now”.

A ship captain calls all hands to the deck and announces, “I hate to say it, but the ship is sinking. We’re taking on water and don’t have much longer. But before we abandon ship, I have to ask you: who among you believes in the power of prayer? Who among you has the faith to put your fate in the hands of God?”

Without hesitation, one man puts up his hand and proudly shouts, “I do!”

The captain says, “I’m glad to hear it. We’re short one lifejacket.”

The Nuclear Physics Department of the University of Stellenbosch has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 – 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each re-organization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.

This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

… don’t look back

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak – The last one is great!

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could Immediately take the words back…
Or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did….

FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow And
asked loudly, ‘How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?’
I turned around and walked back out and never went back My husband didn’t say a word…
He knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women’s type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, ‘I think I like playing with men’s balls’

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and
Passed by a store that sold a Variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, ‘No, I’m just looking at your nuts.’
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY :
While in line at the bank one afternoon, My toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving ‘right now’ she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, ‘If you don’t let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you Kissing Daddy’s pee-pee last night!’
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny,
So of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
The realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go, and he said ‘No’ .
I kept thinking ‘Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don’t have any clothes with me.’
Then I said, ‘Danny, are you SURE you didn’t have an accident?’
‘No,’ he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, ‘Danny did you have an accident? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled ‘SEE MOM, IT’S JUST FARTS!!’
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they’d ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don’t get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn’t, turned to the weatherman and asked:
‘So Bob, where’s that 8 inches you promised me last night?’
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too – they were laughing so hard!